Each
and every one of us have something we fear. Sometimes those fears can
be somewhat silly to others. My sister has an insane fear of bugs,
spiders, and crawling things. Since we both have our rooms in the
basement, guess who gets to kill all those bugs, spiders, and crawling
things? Yep, me. I don’t mind, because I’m not scared of them. But to my
sister, those things are creepy. Now that may seem like a sillier one
and not very important. But think of one of your deep fears. One that is
almost always on your mind. One that controls what you say and when you
say it. One that regulates how much you confide in people. A fear that
doesn’t just scare you, but a fear that controls you. That’s the type of
fear I’m going to be talking about.
I
have several fears like that. All of them are fears that I have trouble
talking about, and that are very personal to me. But the one I’m going
to share is a fear I feel a lot of people have – whether they want to
admit it or not. It’s the fear of what people will think of you. For the
longest time, I really didn’t think I had this because I could leave my
house with greasy hair and sloppy clothes and not care a single bit
about what others would think. But I still had that fear – just not
necessarily about looks.
I’m
currently the stage manager of a play “Alice in Wonderland”. It’s an
amazing musical with incredible actors and actresses and I’ve made
several new friends. These past few months, as we’ve been rehearsing
over and over for this play, God has shown me just how much the fear of
people’s opinions has an active role in my life. I’m a person who wants
to avoid conflict to the point of just ignoring it. But in my role as
stage manager, I have to tell people to be quiet and to sit down and to
listen and I can’t use my sweet voice. Am I being mean? No. I’m making
sure they understand what is expected of them by using my authoritative
voice. But for some reason, I can’t use it when I need it most.
This
play is not a production put on by a theater that has Christian values.
As a majority, the actors in this play are not Christian. Several of
the people I hang out with are Christians are very sweet. But
for the most part, the others are very crude and cuss non
stop.When I was younger, people in were very cautious about what they
said or did around me. At seventeen years old, people don’t care
anymore. In fact, I’ve seen the older actors become so liberal with
their speech that they honestly don’t even care if a seven year old is in the room.
During
a dress rehearsal several weeks ago, I went backstage in time to hear
two girls laughing about how hot they had gotten in their costumes and
using the Lord’s name in vain. My spirit was crushed and I wanted so
badly to step in and tell them to stop doing that because it hurt me.
More importantly, it hurt God. But I just stood there. I didn’t move. I
didn’t say a word. I just listened to them mock God’s name and throw it
in the dirt. And I didn’t say anything.
I
got home that night and I fell in bed sobbing. I knew I should have
done something and I knew that even though I hadn’t used God’s name in
vain, I was still sinning for not standing up for Him. I had let two
twelve year old girls unknowingly use my fear to control me. I was too
afraid of what they would think of me. I really liked them, and I wanted
to continue being a friend to them both, but because of my desire to
make myself appear likable, I allowed my fear of what they would think
to mute my voice and paralyze my body.
I
repented that night and begged God to give me the courage to stand up
for Him. And not only to defend His name, but to use my position of
power to silence those who were cussing, talking dirty, and flirting
dirty with others. I went to bed refreshed and forgiven.
But
several nights later, I was sitting backstage with three older actors
and actresses and one of the young men (I’ll call him David) started
giving me very flirtatious looks. I ignored him, because he intimidated
me and I really didn’t want to get into an argument. But then he started
talking dirty and adding cuss words and exclaiming “Oh my God” and
“Jesus Christ” over and over and over. And what did I do? I sat in my
chair, continued drinking out of my water bottle, and I just took it. I
didn’t say a word, I didn’t move. Because I was afraid of what he would
think of me if I stood up and defended my Savior. Yes, David was bigger
than me. Yes, he was more powerful. Yes, he probably wouldn’t have
listened to me. But he was trashing God’s name and adding so many dirty
phrases to his language that I almost threw up. The God of the universe
who created me and died for me was being mocked by a teenage boy. But I didn’t say anything.
Again,
I went home absolutely exhausted and crushed. My spirit was willing but
my flesh was weak. I had let the fear of people’s opinions control me
and it was killing me. And I couldn’t figure out how to stop it. Because
in my bedroom, in the safety and comfort of my bed, I was ready to take
on the world. But when I stepped outside my door, I let go of God and
allowed fear to replace my courage.
The
day after that happened was opening night. The play went fairly
smoothly and I had already told myself that I needed to pull David aside
and tell him that I was very uncomfortable with how he was treating me
and how he was disrespecting God. But I didn’t do it at the play. Once
again, my fear started to control me.
After
the opening night of a play, our theater always goes to a restaurant to
celebrate. I ended up at the same booth as David. It was only a matter
of seconds before he started saying “Oh my God” and cussing his heart
out. What bugged me the most, was that he didn’t seem bothered at all.
And neither did anyone else at our table. I prayed to God that for a
split second He would give me the courage I needed to stand up to David.
And for a split second, God gave it to me.
David
said “Oh my God” to someone and there was a split second of silence so I
broke in. I didn’t even ask David to stop saying it, I told him to. I
told him to stop cussing and to stop using God’s name in vain because I
was very uncomfortable with it. I asked him to respect that.
Immediately
after, he laughed and started cussing over and over and over just to
annoy me. People at our table started looking as uncomfortable as I
felt. My sister happened to be sitting right next to him and she slapped
him. Funny thing, he shut up. He got pretty upset and left for a while,
but I felt so much better after saying that. I hadn’t let my fear
control me when I asked God to help me. All those other times, I just
stood there and took it in and said nothing because I was trying to rely
on myself. And that’s really what fear is.
Fear
takes the place of God and whispers the lie “You can do it. You don’t
need anyone. You can do it. You have your own strength.” And that’s not
true. You don’t. You’re weak. You’re helpless. You may have a very
willing spirit, but your flesh is very strong in human nature and it can
silence you. David still cusses, but after he came back to the table
that night, he was quieter and he clearly tried to control his words. He
joked around with me a bit, but I could tell he wasn’t very fond of me
anymore.
For
a couple seconds, I started questioning whether I should have said
it…but then God helped me see that that was fear again. I can’t say that
I’m fine with him not enjoying my company. I want people to like me.
But I will say that I am very fine with being right with the Lord. I
have no doubt that I will have many more moments in this play trying to
silence others but being silenced myself. Fear isn’t something that goes
away overnight. But if you let go of your fear and ask God to help you
live fearlessly, He will. Even if it’s just for a few seconds. A few
seconds can change someone. A few seconds can show you how amazing
living fearlessly is. A few seconds can reveal that living fearlessly is
actually letting go and letting God.
Too
many times throughout our day we forget just how awesome our God is. He
created the universe. He knows every single name of every single star
in the sky. He knows when each tornado or tsunami or earthquake is going
to happen and He knows how much damage it will cause. He knows
everything about us! He has every single hair on our heads numbered. He
knows what we’re going to think before we ever do. He knows how we’re
going to impact people, either for Him or against Him. He knows how many
times a day we’re going to fail Him and He knows how many times a day
He’s going to forgive us.
Ladies, remember that God
knows. God is bigger than any single one of us can imagine. Just to put
it a little into perspective, have any of you ever created a star in the
universe? Just curious. Yeah, I didn’t think so. Do any of you guys
know your thoughts before you think them? I know I don’t. So if God is
that big and that powerful, why are we still afraid? Why do we still
allow fear to control our lives and our tongues and our actions? Why is
it so easy to trust everyone and everything but God? Because it’s a
fallen world. No one is going to be perfect. We’re all going to hurt
someone and we’re all going to be hurt. We’re all going to be consumed
by fear at one point or another but we can all still live
fearlessly. So tonight I encourage you to think about
your fears. Write them down and then ask God to help you overcome them.
Because if you don’t address them and you don’t take them to God, He
can’t help you. And keep in mind that you can’t do it by yourself. You
don’t have the strength to. Only God does. So instead of trying
to live fearlessly, trust God and live for Him. The fearless part is
going to come with trusting and living for our awesome Savior.
--Psalmist
